“We overcame Pharaoh, we will overcome this too.” It’s a saying in Hebrew. Honestly, I don’t particularly like how many times Pharaoh’s heart hardened, he increased hardships on the Jews and made, even his people, suffer more because of his pride, sin, relentlessness. But even still, he was overcome. Even still, we will overcome.
It is inevitable that our children will encounter difficulties and hardships that we don’t understand. How we respond models for our children how to respond. And we should always underpin it with hope. Hope in God that no matter what the world is throwing our way, He is faithful. He has always been faithful and won’t stop with us. We just might not understand how that will look.
A few things to remember as we process change with our kids:
-Be authentic. You are going to have a wide range of emotions and so will your child. Name some of your emotions with them. Keep them under control, but show emotion. Help give voice to your child to the emotion or range of emotions they are experiencing.
-Be open to questions. And be okay with giving an answer of “I don’t know.” “I don’t know when this will feel better.” “I don’t know why it happened.” I don’t know.
-Allow sadness and lament. I’m terrible at this, but it is healthy. I always want to go to the silver lining or the thing we can be excited about. But it is okay to sit in the sadness. Read some Psalms of Lament. See how they are structured?
1st. Turn to God. Ps. 13 “How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? David chooses to bring his feelings to God, shares what’s happening even if there’s questioning of God. And even the questioning is okay as long as he doesn’t stay there. Not moving forward wouldn’t be healthy or honoring to God. He expresses his grief to God, then. As parents we should help our children in this process to identify and give words to their negative emotions.
2nd. Bring your complaint. Again in Ps. 13 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?” David is identifying his frustrations and hurts and laying them out there for God. God already knows, but venting to God gives us an outlet and, God can take it-he’s the one and only who can bear our intense emotions.
3rd. Ask boldly. Ps 13:3-4
“Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
and my enemy will say, ‘I have overcome him,’
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.”
He dared to hope in God’s promises. When we move from complaint or expressing frustration with the circumstances, to asking for resolve then we’re transitioning into what we know is true about God-that he is trustworthy, which is the 4th element of lament
4th. Choose to trust God. Ps 13:5 -6
“ But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing the Lord’s praise,
for he has been good to me.”
This moves is to renew our commitment to knowing God is who he says he is. We know God has the power to deliver. We know that one day as in Revelation 21:4 he will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Now we move to remembering what we know. God delivered an empty tomb-he can deliver us from this pain. We can still walk with hope. And this is why it’s ok to express our questions, our grief, our anger….because we didn’t stay there…we move to trusting God for deliverance.
-Give your child something to look forward to and reassure them they’re loved. Loved by you. Loved by God. Loved by others. Even when someone is suddenly taken away or moves away, it isn’t because your child is not loved. It may feel like it, but we need to remember the truth and remind our children of the truth. They are loved!
Start conversations or responses with “It’s ok to feel…..” “I’m here for you.” “Let’s pray”. “I care about you.”
Avoid saying things like: “Don’t be selfish.” “Everyone goes through difficult times, you’ll get over it.” “Jesus wants us to love everyone.” “You have to forgive them”. “Pray and it will all go away.”
Some great verses to remember
2 Samuel 22:2
“He said: “The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;”
Psalm 46: 1-3
“God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.”
Proverbs 14:26
“Whoever fears the Lord has a secure fortress,
and for their children it will be a refuge.”
Philippians 4:7
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
-For more ideas ideas for helping kids navigate through this and other hard times see Comforting Children in Crisis published by Group
Journeying with Jesus Everyday 